If there's one thing that is harder to deal with than self-sabotage, it's when your spouse sabotages your finances. Whether this is intentional or not it's a BIG problem. I see in it many of my friends, family & clients. So what can you do about it if you feel that you and your spouse are trying to row your financial oars in different directions? First you both have to realize that it's happening and how emotionally exhausting it is. Remember, financial problems are only the topic that you fight about, or the symptom to the real problem(s). Where there are money problems in a marriage there will always be a breakdown in communication, mis-trust, or lack of organization. Many times it's a combination of all three. It takes an enormous amount of effort to be on the same page financially, but the dividends pay back many fold every time. Like I told the couple I coached last night, if you can come together on your finances, you can do anything!
Homework:
For some of you, change will be instigated simply by having a heart to heart talk. Regardless of what your circumstances are, start with this. Put the kids to bed and really talk with your spouse. You'd be surprised how much this really helps. Your spouse may be totally unaware of how serious the situation is. This is a non-confrontational approach, so stop if it escalates. More of you will need a third party to intercede and help you through the issues. This should start with your local clergy or a good marriage counselor. If your spouse doesn't want to attend, go by yourself to get the support you need to deal with the situation. This is very serious stuff I'm talking about. These are the seeds that lead to divorce. If left alone and untreated, they will grow as a wedge and fester your marriage. There will come a point when one or the other of you will reach a breaking point, snap, and the marriage like Humpty-Dumpty won't be put back together again.
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