Tip of the Week January 21-28

Spousal Financial Sabotage
If there's one thing that is harder to deal with than self-sabotage, it's when your spouse sabotages your finances. Whether this is intentional or not it's a BIG problem. I see in it many of my friends, family & clients. So what can you do about it if you feel that you and your spouse are trying to row your financial oars in different directions? First you both have to realize that it's happening and how emotionally exhausting it is. Remember, financial problems are only the topic that you fight about, or the symptom to the real problem(s). Where there are money problems in a marriage there will always be a breakdown in communication, mis-trust, or lack of organization. Many times it's a combination of all three. It takes an enormous amount of effort to be on the same page financially, but the dividends pay back many fold every time. Like I told the couple I coached last night, if you can come together on your finances, you can do anything!


Homework:

For some of you, change will be instigated simply by having a heart to heart talk. Regardless of what your circumstances are, start with this. Put the kids to bed and really talk with your spouse. You'd be surprised how much this really helps. Your spouse may be totally unaware of how serious the situation is. This is a non-confrontational approach, so stop if it escalates. More of you will need a third party to intercede and help you through the issues. This should start with your local clergy or a good marriage counselor. If your spouse doesn't want to attend, go by yourself to get the support you need to deal with the situation. This is very serious stuff I'm talking about. These are the seeds that lead to divorce. If left alone and untreated, they will grow as a wedge and fester your marriage. There will come a point when one or the other of you will reach a breaking point, snap, and the marriage like Humpty-Dumpty won't be put back together again.

Tip of the Week January 14-21

Financial Self-Sabotage
Are you guilty of sabotaging yourself financially? If you answered no, then you are probably lying to yourself. We all have done it at times, I know I have. So how do you avoid the pit falls of self sabotage? Whether you are talking about becoming financially fit or physically fit, the solution is one in the same- permanently changing the behaviors that led to the anorexic savings and bloated debt loads. That's right, this is the reason why so few actually get the long term results that they want. Think about it, our brains are hard-wired to seek pleasure and shy away from pain. Delaying a purchase or telling yourself 'no, not right now' is painful, especially at first. Think of this as an exercise building strength and memory, only for your wallet.

Homework:
I want you to sit down with a sheet of paper and think of every reason that you use to sabotage your finances (you may even need two sheets of paper). What's your negative self-talk when it comes to the way you handle your money. This could be anything, 'I spend too much', 'I'm too busy to think about it', 'I don't make enough', 'I make more than enough so it doesn't matter', 'I'm in too deep', 'It's only this one time', 'I'm having a bad day'. The list could go on and on. Think on it long and hard. The point I want to reach is that these are ALL simply excuses. They are the symptoms, the surface. Next, I want you to go back through your list and answer, 'why?' to every excuse you came up with. Why you think X makes it okay in your mind to do Y. I guarantee that if you do this and really search for 'the why', you will get down to the deep rooted issues of what led you to where you are today. Until you know the real reasons you will never see any lasting results.

Tip of the Week January 7-14

Back to Basics!

This time of year is filled with lofty goal setting and getting out of debt usually tops the list. Of course this rarely just happens. And so I want you to think of this from a different approach. It's the simple little things that make up the fabric life is made of. The small choices we make everyday that determine the course your life takes. In the world of finance I think it's best known as 'the latte effect'. A few dollars here and there that make a big difference over the long haul. Making small and simple changes now, on a daily basis does the same thing. So let's get back to the basics and focus on those small things that really do make a difference in your financial lives.

Homework:
Choose one area of your finances or budget that could use some extra attention. What is the category that is always out of control or throwing you off? What is your weak spot or chink that if left unchecked will unbalance the whole thing? We've all got one! You probably know exactly what I'm talking about, so it's time to fess up. Regarding this one habit or issue, identify what you can do to change it. This might be something drastic or simple tweaking. The point is that you do something to address the situation. We all know the power of denial. So stop and take stock of what you need. Be realistic and specific and if you slip up, don't quit!

Quotes of the Month Dec 10-Jan 14

"There are no short cuts to anywhere worth going." Beverly Sills


"Change is very hard and we change only when the pain of [staying the] same is greater than the pain of change." Dave Ramsey More Than Enough


"You will find peace not by trying to escape your problems, but by confronting them courageously.  You will find peace not in denial, but in victory." J. Donald Walters

New Format for a New Year

I have decided to change things up a bit on my blogging format.  Instead of having a longish post about my tip of the week, I'm only going to have the tip (off to the right) in a more expanded form.  Also, instead of changing the quotations every week with the tip I'm going to leave them up for a whole month.   As a result the tips will have the same theme for the month to go along with the quotations.  I feel the need to streamline the process and not be bogged down with a long detailed post every week.  


Again, PLEASE leave your feedback if you want a specific topic covered or if you have a problem you need help with.  My goal is to give you the information and the encouragement you need to keep going no matter what your personal circumstances.  I want you to read my blog and feel refreshed, inspired and hopeful again.  If I have learned anything about personal finance it's exactly that- personal.  Let's face it, this is hard stuff we are talking about.  It's nice to read about in theory but when you start to apply things to your own life, you'll understand what I'm talking about when I say- IT'S REALLY HARD!  But almost in the same breath, I'll always tell you that the 'hard' is worth it in the end.  Happy New Year!  May 2011 be all that you want it to be!

Tip of the Month December 10-January 7

Be your own Catalyst for Change

Only when and if you have decided that you have had it up to your eyeballs with the way things are, will anything begin to change. Coming to the realization that you are sick and tired of it is perhaps the crossroads that you need. Don't shrink away from this. Be courageous in facing things head on. Having financial freedom and peace is priceless and worth the sacrifice to have!

Homework:
Work together with your spouse toward the new direction you want your lives to take. Learn the tools necessary to start and more importantly continue on the journey. Keep going when things get rough, because the results really are worth it.

Happy New Year!!!

A new year has begun!  Sorry for such the long break between posts.  Don't worry I have not fallen off the blogging wagon completely.  I just had a busy holiday season with my family and then have been sick over New Year's.  Please check back later this week for more about what I love best!