This may be a touchy subject for some of you because you are in the middle of such a situation. You know what I'm talking about, you and your spouse were struggling financially so your parents or grandparents step in to "help". This may have started as something innocent, but trust me, it changes the boundaries and feel of your relationship. Thanksgiving dinner tastes a whole lot different when you are sitting across from your debtor or creditor.
If you are on the borrowing end, you may feel the need to justify every purchase. If you are on the lending end, you probably are hyper sensitive to that vacation your relative went on. I've seen it time and again. Money does crazy things to both people and relationships. That is why my advice on this subject is clear. Don't borrow money from or lend money to family, or friends for that matter. This crosses a boundary that most likely destroys the relationship in the end. If you have the resources, make a gift of the money, without expectations on either part of repayment. Those unmet expectations are what sours the best of relationships. Don't, on the other hand, give money you can't afford to miss. Steer clear of these situations, because in the long run it doesn't help you or the other person involved.
So what do you do if you are in the middle of it? It's too late to go back and undo what's been done. I want you to reflect on this situation. Honestly ask yourself if this loan is affecting your relationship? Does it change the way you feel about the person? If it doesn't bother you, does it bother your spouse or your other siblings? If you are on the borrowing end you most likely you don't have the money to just repay what is owed and you may even be behind in what is owed. If this is the case, your lender is probably angry and bitter about not being paid. Make things right. Set up a payment plan and don't rest until it's paid. Of all your debts this one should take priority because no amount of money is worth sacrificing your relationship. Trust me, it is affecting your relationship. It may be subtle but it's still the elephant in the closet that no one wants to talk about. If you are on the lending end, and especially if you are not receiving payments anymore, you may need to completely and emotionally write this debt off as a bad mistake. As hard as this is to do, the damage is already done and it's best if you move on and learn from this mistake. Doing this may even be a gift to your relationship. Above all, remember that any debt is a form of bondage and it only complicates things when your task master is a family member.
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