Happy Marriages

Yes, I have marriage on the brain.  I attended the wedding of my oldest nephew yesterday.  In honor of that special event I thought I would share some of what I teach to newlyweds while coaching them.  I do not profess to be an expert on marriage, but I've found these simple keys to have helped in my own marriage.  As a further disclaimer, I am a Christian and so I address the spiritual aspects of money and marriage.  Whether or not you agree is up to you.  I teach this because I know it works.

6 Keys to a Happy and Successful Marriage

1. Draw closer to God- by becoming individually closer to God, you will become closer to each other.  Do this by making it a priority to:

Pray together daily

Read scriptures regularly

Attend church together

Pay a full tithe

I know these are really simple things to do, but they lay the spiritual foundation for the marriage.  They are the glue that holds you together through good times and bad.

2. Learn to communicate- Take some time each day to talk about how your day went.  This makes excellent pillow talk conversation and is a great reason to go to bed at the same time.  It’s also a great way to end the day.

Women: your husband is not telepathic and never will be.  If you want or need something, tell him.  Men do not take subtle hints.  Never assume he knows what you need from him.  Also verify with him that he understands what you said.

Men: Actually listen to what your wife is saying.  Don’t just tune her out and smile and nod.  This is insulting.

If you can’t communicate about simple everyday things the bigger, harder issues will not bode well for your marriage. 

3. Be Honest- Your life should be an open book to your spouse. Absolutely NO secrets! This breeds insecurity and distrust, which are the forerunners of divorce.

4. Learn each other’s love language- Knowing how we give and show love to one another is vital.  If you don’t feel loved by your spouse, it can be hard to give love back.  The 5 main languages are:

Physical Touch

Verbal (words of praise)

Service (acts of kindness)

Gifts

Quality Time

5. Work together on family finances-Disagreements about money are the #1 cause of divorce.  Sadly, this is only the symptom of the underlying problem- a lack of communication.  This should be a shared responsibility, not shouldered by one or the other.  Even though one spouse will handle the mechanics of the process, each of you has a vote in where your money goes.  Don’t use tantrums, or bullying tactics as a means to get your way.  Be honest and mature about your situation.  This requires good communication and work, but your marriage will be all the better for it.

6. Take time to court each other- It doesn’t have to cost money.  Go for a walk together, write notes for each other’s lunches, watch a movie at home; as long as it preserves and develops your friendship.

I know these are simple concepts, but whether you've been married a day or 50 years they still ring true.  Please take the time to nurture your marriage daily.  I guess it's the optimist in me but I firmly believe a marriage can survive anything, so long as there are two willing parties to weather the storms.