The Difference

I often get asked the question, "How can I help my friend/child/sibling/parent who is struggling with their finances?"  The answer to that question often depends on the person or people in question because no matter how badly you want something for someone, you can't do it for them.  I know first hand how frustrating this can be.  This got me thinking about the people I have coached over the last 2 1/2 years since I became a financial counselor.  I've had quite the range in client's ages and circumstances.  From the young newlyweds to the retired or nearly retired couple, those with very modest incomes to those with six figure salaries.  Some have turned out to be my success stories, while others have struggled to get things together.  What really has made the difference?  I've come to the conclusion that those who are successful with what I teach have some common characteristics.

1~ Be Teachable:  If you want to be successful with what I teach, you have to be open and ready to learn.  Not everyone is ready to learn or make the changes necessary.
2~ Realize You Need Help:  This is probably one of the hardest steps because it requires you to swallow your pride and be open and honest with not only yourself, but me.
3~ Be United with Your Spouse:  If you aren't on the same page or can't get on the same page with your spouse because of trust or communication issues, you will not be successful with your money or your marriage.  Fighting about money is a symptom to those deeper issues and must be addressed first.
4~ Be Determined to Follow Through:  The mechanics of budgeting isn't difficult, but having the follow through to actually do it is another story.  Not giving up even when things start to unravel is what it takes sometimes.
5~ Be Proactive:  Ignoring problems will not do.  No matter what your circumstances, you have to be in the driver's seat and take control.

So when it comes to trying to help yourself or those you love, keep these qualities in mind.  They transcend both age and income and are more important in determining the outcome.   These aren't something developed overnight but through patience and diligence even the worst of circumstances can be turned around.  When they all come together nothing will stand in the way of achieving success.

Spending Triggers

Do you use money at a stress reliever?
Do you cave to the pressure or obligations put on you by family or friends with vacations or gifts?
Do you, your spouse or children throw a fit sometimes because you want it now?
Do certain times of year cause you to spend more?

All of these situations can be triggers for spending money you either don't have or haven't planned for.  These are all really difficult things to overcome.  We all fall prey to them at times so balance is key.  If we allow ourselves to justify them, then little by little we can find ourselves far away from where we thought we would be. So here are some things I want you to put in place to prevent giving in to these triggers.

1~ If you use credit cards, STOP IT! Lock them up, delete them from your online shopping sites or cut them up if you have to. All too often they become a crutch to fall back on when you're really stressed and in the heat of the moment need to go shopping. Find a new way of coping with your stress, exercise, talk to a friend, read a book.  Trying to heal matters of the heart with money never works and just causes more pain in the long run.

2~ Stop abusing your debit card. If you don't use credit cards you might abuse your debit card by telling yourself that you'll just transfer money from savings to cover it.  This will constantly cause you to lose the traction you're trying to gain.  Cash, on the other hand, causes you to pause before buying something and once it's gone, it's gone.  You just have to be careful not to go by the ATM for more or you'll be right back where you started.

3~ Talk with your family or friends. Share your goals with them. Tell them you can't do certain things as often with them anymore because you are choosing to use the money to accomplish your goals.  This isn't very pleasant at times but by and large most people understand.

4~ Be realistic in your budgeting for vacations, activities and other discretionary spending.  Let's face it, Summer is a very demanding time of year for our budgets.  Next to Christmas it probably does the most damage.  A counselor friend of mine recommended having an emergency fund for your vacation to catch any unplanned things like car repairs, higher gas prices than anticipated and splurges on food and gifts.  Bottom line- things always end up costing more than you think, so plan for it.

Making these changes requires you to get back in the driver's seat with your money again.  No more autopilot, ostrich head in the sand, or plug your ears and sing mentality.  If you want change to happen then you can't keep doing the same old things.  Above all, be honest with yourself!  This is probably the most important because if you truly are, then everything else will fall into place.

My Expanded Thoughts on Progress

Yesterday I came across a C.S. Lewis quote that struck a chord with me. "Progress means getting nearer to the place you want to be. And if you have taken a wrong turn, then to go forward does not get you any nearer. If you are on the wrong road, progress means doing an about-turn and walking back to the right road; and in that case the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive man." While this quote is from his book Mere Christianity and is referencing a more spiritual note, I found it also to apply to the world of personal finance. I could not stop thinking about it and had to expand my thoughts on the subject.

Do you ever feel like you're stuck spinning your wheels in the mud when it comes to your finances? I know I have many a time. Especially lately as my husband and I have been trying to rebuild our emergency savings from the substantial hit it took earlier this year. While I know we are on the 'right road' because we have been making progress towards our goal, it has ended up being a lot slower than originally anticipated. And that has caused frustration. I'm constantly reminding myself that there are no perfect months for a budget and that adjusting your expectations can be really hard sometimes.

There is a delicate balance between being flexible with your budget and completely blowing it. In the world we live in there are so many ways we can get pulled off the road that leads to our financial goals. Family, friends, children, neighbors, advertisers all have a tremendous pull on our budgets trying to lure us away from putting extra money into debt payments or savings. Those other roads are sometimes bigger and have bright neon flashing signs promising fun and happiness for all. At the end of the day when the money is spent, you're left with nothing but the figurative hangover wondering why you did that. We then can become discouraged and give up on our goal altogether. Instead of doing that I want you to stop and think about where you're at right now. Go back to the basics and start again. Even if it's not the beginning of the month. Be realistic and honest with yourself. Recognize your triggers for choosing that path. It's easy to tell yourself Yes rather than NO. But if you tell yourself 'no' or 'not right now' long enough it becomes easier. Getting and staying on the path that leads to your goals is a struggle. Changing direction is really hard to do but worth it when you actually see the progress you are making.

Quotations of the Month June/July

"Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway."~John Wayne

"Difficulties mastered are opportunities won." ~Winston Churchill

"Those who cannot change their minds, cannot change anything."~George Bernard Shaw

"Most of us spend our lives as if we had another one in the bank."~Ben Irwin

Terin and James: A Lesson on Perseverence

This is the story of two phenomenal people, Terin and James.  From the outside you would never guess the life experience they both have.  I first had the privilege of getting to know them nearly two years ago.  They were some of my first clients, but they were (and still are) no ordinary couple.  In the Summer of 2010 they were newlyweds living with her family and expecting their first child.  They were only 16 and 17 at the time and both wise far beyond their years.  Like so many other teens across the country, they made a mistake, and had some decisions to make and some fast growing up to do.  They loved each other, chose to get married and make the most of the circumstances they found themselves in.  When I sat down with them, I saw fear in their eyes, of the future and the unknown.  But I also saw something very rare- willingness to learn and determination.  Like most newlyweds they had a modest income.  Thankfully because of their ages they had no debt.  But they still had some pretty hefty goals.  James graduated from high school early and worked part time while attending college.  He was also in the Army Reserve and had a pretty good idea of what he wanted to do with his education.  Terin was in high school and working hard to finish on time with her class.  


I began by going through what I normally do when coaching newlyweds, teaching them about working together, not only in their marriage but with their money.  We talked about goals and how important it was to work toward something.  I helped them create their first budget and taught them the importance of avoiding debt so they could accomplish their first goal of moving out on their own in the near future.  I think by the time I left, the fear and anxiety that was in their eyes was replaced by a calm confidence and hope for their future.


A couple of months later, they had a beautiful little girl.  By the following Spring they were ready to move out on their own.  All the while they both worked hard, working multiple jobs, going to school and taking care of their little one.  Last year, James was called up by the Army to serve overseas.  While this in and of itself was very difficult for both of them to bear, Terin was also expecting their second baby.  James left in January for training out of state and then left with his unit to go overseas in April.  May was very exciting for them but a bittersweet time as James could only witness the birth of their sweet baby boy via the internet.  A few weeks ago Terin graduated from high school.  She wasn't just a graduate, she was valedictorian of her class.  James won't be home until next January, but they are looking forward to when they can all be together as a family again.  Things are certainly looking up for them.  Because of their careful budgeting they have maintained a healthy emergency fund while James is deployed.


I'd like to think that I played at least a small part in their success, but this was all them.  While I may have given them some of the tools, they used them to cultivate a beautiful life for themselves through their hard work.  They have both been scorned and written off by some and yet have triumphed.  They faced their challenges with a maturity and strength that I rarely see in middle-aged adults.  They knew what they wanted out of life and with the support of family and friends are persevering.  It would have been all too easy at any point for either or both of them to throw in the towel because it was hard, but they didn't.  They chose not to become just another statistic.  And so I hope that by me sharing their story, you find the strength to persevere and keep going through whatever challenges you are facing.  I feel like a broken record saying this but life is never easy and certainly handling money in a way conducive to your financial goals isn't either.  The important thing to remember is to keep trying, no matter what happens along the way.

Quotations of the Month May

"He that can have patience, can have what he will." ~Benjamin Franklin
"It's choice--not chance--that determines your destiny." ~Jean Nidetch
"The only competition you will ever face is with your own ignorance." ~Bob Proctor

Common Budget Busters

I know I've said it before and I'm sure I'll say it again but if you don't have a month specific budget to tell your money where to go, you will ALWAYS wonder where your money went; or you'll get frustrated because it doesn't work and throw in the towel.  It's been a while since I've talked about budgeting so I want to talk about some common areas that we forget about and tend to bust the budget month after month.  Setting a monthly budget should not be a stressful, gut-wrenching experience month after month.  It may be at first, if you have never had one or you're starting from scratch.  You may even be a bored free-spirit who doesn't get a rush over a balanced checkbook like the average nerd does.  The only way for it to get easier is to keep doing it, build confidence in yourself and your ability.

Non-monthly expenses are perhaps the biggest budget busters out there.  You know what I'm talking about, the "we forgot that the car needs maintenance" moment we've all had; or forgetting that when the kids go back to school they need new clothes, Christmas is in December, and of course the medical deductible starts over again at the beginning of the year.  So how do you stop from going crazy by these things that seem to creep up on us?  Go through your expenses and figure out which ones are non-monthly expenses.  This is everything that occurs either erratically or in regular intervals, just not every month.  Create a sinking fund for those categories by putting money into an envelope or savings account every month to cover when those categories hit.  Simply find a monthly average that you spend in each category.  This is particularly helpful with car repairs & registration, back to school, Christmas, and vacations.  If you're not in a position to be able to cash-flow it, then you need a sinking fund.  For smaller incidentals, have a miscellaneous category in your monthly budget.    If it creates a problem for you every month, then you're not budgeting for it properly.  Make it part of your monthly expenses.  I see this happen a lot with little things like gifts, or clothing.  But people get into trouble with big things like insurance deductibles.  

Above all, KEEP GOING!  Changing the way you handle money is super hard stuff and takes lots of the 3 P's, practice, patience and perseverance.  It also requires you tell yourself, your children or your friends "no" or "not right now".  If mid-month you're thrown a curve ball, roll with it and make adjustments.  Burying your head into the sand out of fear or frustration will get you nowhere.  You're only defeated when you decide not to get up and fight one more time.

Quotations of the Month April

"To grow, you must be willing to let your present and future be totally unlike your past. Your history is not your destiny."~Alan Cohen

"Knowing is not enough; We must apply. Willing is not enough; We must do. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

"Let your hopes, not your hurts, shape your future." ~Robert H. Schuller

Quotations of the Month January/February

"Abundance is not something we acquire, it is something we tune into." Wayne Dyer

"Before you speak, listen. Before you write, think. Before you spend, earn. Before you invest, investigate. Before you criticize, wait. Before you pray, forgive. Before you quit, try. Before you retire, save. Before you die, give." William Arthur Ward

What Really Makes the Difference?

I have had a wild 2 months since I my last post. We decided to try and sell our house, got an offer within a week and moved into a rental to save money to buy another house in a couple of years. As of this Monday, when we close on the sale, we will be completely debt free! Going through all this has made me think of how far we have come in the last 5 years before we started this journey. We were broke, had a lot of debt, and living nearly paycheck to paycheck. We had great vision but no guide as to how to actually get where we wanted. All that changed when in the Summer of 2007 we were introduced to Dave Ramsey's ideas about debt and money. This paradigm shift is exactly what we needed. Since then we worked hard to not only pay off all our debt (about $24,000 worth) but build an emergency fund. We are getting ready to celebrate our 10th anniversary in a couple of months and celebrate in style we will by going to Jamaica. This is something we couldn't have imagined doing 5 years ago. I can't help but reflect on what has really made the difference in all this.

The things we do now aren't rocket science. Any sixth grader can do the basic math required to balance a budget. I think we've realized that is the easy part. The follow-through requires strength, discipline, and maturity to tell yourself 'no' or 'not right now' a lot of the time. It is NOT an easy road to travel, but since when is hard not worth the end result? Now we have a completely different view on money. We save up and pay cash for things, even if that means going without or less at times. This has given us freedom that was unfathomable before. Because of that freedom I want to shout it from the rooftops and wake people up. Let them know that there is a better way and that they don't have to be broke or nearly broke as a way of life. I have learned that doing this tends to rub some people the wrong way. They think I'm being conceited and think I'm better than them. This couldn't be further from the truth. I have never intended to offend anyone. I just can't contain my joy sometimes. I am simply enjoying the view of my efforts and want to assist others in their journey. My point is that to climb out of debt and change your life is HARD. It's REALLY hard to change the attitudes and behaviors that got you where you are today. But in the same breath I say that just because it is hard, it's not impossible. My husband and I are living proof that it's not. So decide to change today if you are tired of the same old results of being broke or nearly so. I'd be happy to show you the way!

Confessions of a Financial Coach

The Tortoise and The Hare:

It's not that fun to be and feel like you're the only tortoise in a world of hares. After all Tortoises are kind of ugly. They are big, bulky and all hard and wrinkled. Hares on the other hand, are fun, popular, fast, and sleek. Sexy even, compared to the tortoise. But if you think about it, tortoises are superior in many ways. While they are worn and weathered, they have everything they need to get through the storms of life. They carry their home after all, and they have endurance for the long journey. Hares are fast in bursts, but have ADD when it comes to staying focused on the task at hand. They are also ill prepared for drought and famine.

Sometimes I feel like the slowest tortoise in the world, like I'm never going to reach my financial goals. This isn't helped by feeling like I'm surrounded by hares, jetting past and dancing around me with all their excitement and great new things. Because of this, I do a lot of self-adjustment. I have to sit back and see the path I've traveled. It's been long and rocky. While I'm not to the top yet, I've come a very long way and life is good. If I had to, I would do it ALL again because it's been worth every hard step. While we only have one car for the time being and our house is a little on the small side for our growing family, I can't complain. My husband and I are debt free except for our house AND We have an emergency fund. That's more than about 80-90% of the population have going for them. So yes, I am a tortoise, but I'm proud to be one! Who wants to be a broke, stressed out hare? If you are trying hard to abandon your hare-like ways, keep trying! It's only too late if you stop trying. Just remember, every time I read the story, the tortoise ALWAYS wins.

Quotations of the Month November/ December

"Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." Viktor E. Frankl

"But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and raiment let us be therewith content." 1 Timothy 6:6-8

Thanks and Giving

I wanted to take a moment and expand on what I posted on both my Facebook page and my NEW Google+ page this morning.  This is the season that we pause to reflect on what we are thankful for and hopefully give gifts to others that honor that gratitude.  If you follow this blog at all you know that this has been a very hard year for me personally.  Despite all that, this morning I am struck with how much I have to be thankful for.  My family is safe and healthy for the most part.  We are meeting our financial goals (even if it has taken much longer than planned).  And we have the privilege of living in a country where we have the opportunity to live our dreams.  If there is one theme that keeps recurring this year it's that the one thing that no one can take away from you is how you choose to feel or react about something.  Viktor Frankl, a holocaust survivor, really did say it best: "Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." 


It is easy to get caught up in all the things we don't have or wished we had and even easier to blame others for what has happened to us.  But it is hard to learn to be content with what we do have and work around the obstacles of life.  And so this season, find something you are thankful for and give yourself the gift of contentedness.

Quotations of the Month September & October

"A life lived with integrity- even if it lacks the trappings of fame and fortune is a shinning star in whose light others may follow in the years to come." Denis Waitley

"Success means having the courage, the determination and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be."George Sheehan

"When life knocks you down, you have two choices- stay down or get up." Tom Krause

"Quality is never an accident. It is always the result of intelligent effort." John Ruskin

A Little Swamped... but NOT Forgotten

Hello all you wonderful blog readers!  I realize I have not been the greatest at keeping up on my blog the last couple of months.  This is mainly because my life has gotten extremely crazy.  With 3 little girls to take care of, a household to run and the added burden of our latest adventure- my husband had a seizure and totaled our van.  While everyone is miraculously safe, I am now realizing the full impact of all this because I am the only driver in my house now.  If you don't think that's any big deal, just consider all the places you and your spouse drive in any given day.  Thankfully, he's able to car pool to work, so I don't have to drive him there.  But all the times I just needed him to run an errand for me or take one of the kids somewhere are gone for the time being.  Combine that with still dealing with the repercussions of having a NICU baby earlier this year, I'm quickly discovering that a very strong gag reflex, acid reflux, and solid foods don't mix very well.  It's quite the zoo at my house right now.  So for the time being, I'm taking another official break from blogging until things settle back down to a newer normal.  While I'm a little swamped, you are not forgotten.  Through patience and perseverance, all things will work themselves out, in any area of your life.

There's No Substitute For Honesty

I Just finished reading an article about the tens of millions of dollars worth of cash and other valuables that were returned to their rightful owners in Japan in the months since the massive earthquake rocked the country earlier this year.  It made me think.  This speaks volumes about the character of the Japanese.  Not only are they and traditionally have been great savers but they are willing to be honest in such a desperate situation.  Honesty is one of those things that most people don't think about on a daily basis.  But it's a quality that makes up the moral backbone of any successful society.  Without it we'd be far more greedy, selfish, and slothful than we already are.  The world would be down right scary if there was no honesty.  But think how wonderful it would be if there was more of it.  I firmly believe it would go a long way in solving much of societies woes.

So what does this have to with money?  Well, everything!  Do you put in an honest day's work for the money you get paid?  Do you pay your taxes honestly?  Are you honest with yourself and others in what you can really afford?  Or are you living a lie that's beginning to crush you?  When it comes to honesty there really isn't another substitute.  If you lack integrity in any of these areas, you will have trouble with your money.  This is mainly because money problems are always a symptom of other problems in your life.  At the heart of most money problems is an integrity issue.  Whether with yourself or others.  Integrity stretches far beyond the bounds of finance.  A lack of it will affect every other aspect of your life.  So be honest with not only yourself but others.  Your life and the world around you will be all the better for it.

Quotations of the Month August

"The true test of financial discipline comes not when faced with spending money you don't have, but rather when you have the money and choose NOT to spend it anyway." Rachel Heath ~Finances By Rachel


"Desires dictate our priorities, priorities shape our choices, and choices determine our actions. The desires we act on determine our changing, our achieving, and our becoming."Dallin H Oaks


"We all must suffer from one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret." Jim Rohn


"Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, I will try again tomorrow." Mary Anne Radmacher

The Four P's

Perseverance, Patience, Participation, & Perspective- Four words that sum up success in not only your finances, but life.  Perseverance, because without it you give up short of the mark when things get hard or aren't working.  To me, this is the #1 ingredient for success, because the lack of it shows in your character.  It's easy to give up or quit when things get hard.  Having perseverance means that you muscle up and shoulder the hard times as well as the good.  Having perseverance also takes a lot of another P- patience.  You can't have one without the other.  Like they say, if you ask for patience, it's tested immediately.  So expect it to be hard at first.  I chose participation because you have to be in the game to win.  It's a choice we make every day.  There is no standing still.  You are either moving closer to or farther away from your goals.  And Perspective, because it's hard to participate, have patience and persevere through the tough times if you don't keep it in mind.  Without proper perspective, hope fades and we despair easily.  Being successful isn't an accident.  It won't just happen.  It takes all these qualities working together to get to where we want to be in life.

Change Happens When You Do

Believe it or not financial problems are only the symptom of other bigger life problems.  I see this all the time with my counseling.  Whether it was a lack of planning, poor life choices, addictions, mental or physical illness, all of these problems cause financial problems.  Until they are addressed and you set on a new path, they will still yield the same harvest of problems- financial or otherwise.  So unless you want more of the same, take a look at your life and see what is the root of your financial woes.  I particularly like the quotes I chose for this month because no matter how you put it, change only happens when you do!  

Busy Days

Well, as you can see I've haven't posted in a couple of months....let's just say that I've been very busy enjoying summer with my family.  I'm just now starting to feel a little more back to normal, now that my baby is getting a bit older and we are done vacationing.  I've decided that I'm changing the format of my blog again.  I don't have as much time as I used to and so instead of weekly tips I'll just post them as I have time to do so.  This may or may not be on Fridays as it has in the past, but I hope to still have something weekly to talk about.  As always feel free to join my Facebook page to post questions or topic ideas.  I'll post things on there too, hopefully several times a week.  Or feel free to email me as well.