Spending Triggers

Do you use money at a stress reliever?
Do you cave to the pressure or obligations put on you by family or friends with vacations or gifts?
Do you, your spouse or children throw a fit sometimes because you want it now?
Do certain times of year cause you to spend more?

All of these situations can be triggers for spending money you either don't have or haven't planned for.  These are all really difficult things to overcome.  We all fall prey to them at times so balance is key.  If we allow ourselves to justify them, then little by little we can find ourselves far away from where we thought we would be. So here are some things I want you to put in place to prevent giving in to these triggers.

1~ If you use credit cards, STOP IT! Lock them up, delete them from your online shopping sites or cut them up if you have to. All too often they become a crutch to fall back on when you're really stressed and in the heat of the moment need to go shopping. Find a new way of coping with your stress, exercise, talk to a friend, read a book.  Trying to heal matters of the heart with money never works and just causes more pain in the long run.

2~ Stop abusing your debit card. If you don't use credit cards you might abuse your debit card by telling yourself that you'll just transfer money from savings to cover it.  This will constantly cause you to lose the traction you're trying to gain.  Cash, on the other hand, causes you to pause before buying something and once it's gone, it's gone.  You just have to be careful not to go by the ATM for more or you'll be right back where you started.

3~ Talk with your family or friends. Share your goals with them. Tell them you can't do certain things as often with them anymore because you are choosing to use the money to accomplish your goals.  This isn't very pleasant at times but by and large most people understand.

4~ Be realistic in your budgeting for vacations, activities and other discretionary spending.  Let's face it, Summer is a very demanding time of year for our budgets.  Next to Christmas it probably does the most damage.  A counselor friend of mine recommended having an emergency fund for your vacation to catch any unplanned things like car repairs, higher gas prices than anticipated and splurges on food and gifts.  Bottom line- things always end up costing more than you think, so plan for it.

Making these changes requires you to get back in the driver's seat with your money again.  No more autopilot, ostrich head in the sand, or plug your ears and sing mentality.  If you want change to happen then you can't keep doing the same old things.  Above all, be honest with yourself!  This is probably the most important because if you truly are, then everything else will fall into place.

Family Relationships & Money

This may be a touchy subject for some of you because you are in the middle of such a situation.  You know what I'm talking about, you and your spouse were struggling financially so your parents or grandparents step in to "help".  This may have started as something innocent, but trust me, it changes the boundaries and feel of your relationship.  Thanksgiving dinner tastes a whole lot different when you are sitting across from your debtor or creditor.  


If you are on the borrowing end, you may feel the need to justify every purchase.  If you are on the lending end, you probably are hyper sensitive to that vacation your relative went on.  I've seen it time and again.  Money does crazy things to both people and relationships.  That is why my advice on this subject is clear.  Don't borrow money from or lend money to family, or friends for that matter.  This crosses a boundary that most likely destroys the relationship in the end.  If you have the resources, make a gift of the money, without expectations on either part of repayment.  Those unmet expectations are what sours the best of relationships.  Don't, on the other hand, give money you can't afford to miss.  Steer clear of these situations, because in the long run it doesn't help you or the other person involved.


So what do you do if you are in the middle of it?  It's too late to go back and undo what's been done.  I want you to reflect on this situation.  Honestly ask yourself if this loan is affecting your relationship?  Does it change the way you feel about the person?  If it doesn't bother you, does it bother your spouse or your other siblings?  If you are on the borrowing end you most likely you don't have the money to just repay what is owed and you may even be behind in what is owed.  If this is the case, your lender is probably angry and bitter about not being paid.  Make things right.  Set up a payment plan and don't rest until it's paid.  Of all your debts this one should take priority because no amount of money is worth sacrificing your relationship.  Trust me, it is affecting your relationship.  It may be subtle but it's still the elephant in the closet that no one wants to talk about.   If you are on the lending end, and especially if you are not receiving payments anymore, you may need to completely and emotionally write this debt off as a bad mistake.  As hard as this is to do, the damage is already done and it's best if you move on and learn from this mistake.  Doing this may even be a gift to your relationship.  Above all, remember that any debt is a form of bondage and it only complicates things when your task master is a family member.